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I have discovered two things which are equally painful and equally unfixable. I'd be interested to know any and all opinions (no matter how tangential) on the matter.
1) Celebrity crushes. Celebrities (even minor ones) all have that je ne sais quoi, though I've taken to calling it charisma (RPG throwback, maybe?). The pull of someone who is ... well, if not painfully beautiful then at the very least painfully open, engaging, charming... The kind of thing you cannot fake (and believe me, I've dabbled in theatre and film enough to know a bad, insincere actor without It when I see one). These one-sided crushes are awful on two levels. One this is a person that, barring extraordinary circumstances you will never ever see face to face. Two is that you often have to share this person (or the idea of them, more accurately) with a fandom of people, many of whom you will get along with affably (a weird kind of functional poly at work?) but some of whom you won't, as seems only natural. It's unrequited lust at its absolute most detached distance.
2) People with charm, looks and/or that star-quality charisma whom you have met, interacted with, maybe even shared something with, but will probably never see again. This category (and for me, let's be honest there's only one person in this category for me right now) is perhaps even more exquisitely painful because I have memories. I have memories of touch and connection that were so plainly shared I can't even try to write them off. I also have memories of my own spinning feelings and awkward advances that cause me regret and shame. These people exist for me. I can contact them. But the feeling that I should not because the moment, the power exchange, has passed is insurmountable.
So I ask you, in a completely unscientific straw poll, which is worse? To want someone you will never ever touch, or to remember someone you had once and will likely never ever have in that way again?
1) Celebrity crushes. Celebrities (even minor ones) all have that je ne sais quoi, though I've taken to calling it charisma (RPG throwback, maybe?). The pull of someone who is ... well, if not painfully beautiful then at the very least painfully open, engaging, charming... The kind of thing you cannot fake (and believe me, I've dabbled in theatre and film enough to know a bad, insincere actor without It when I see one). These one-sided crushes are awful on two levels. One this is a person that, barring extraordinary circumstances you will never ever see face to face. Two is that you often have to share this person (or the idea of them, more accurately) with a fandom of people, many of whom you will get along with affably (a weird kind of functional poly at work?) but some of whom you won't, as seems only natural. It's unrequited lust at its absolute most detached distance.
2) People with charm, looks and/or that star-quality charisma whom you have met, interacted with, maybe even shared something with, but will probably never see again. This category (and for me, let's be honest there's only one person in this category for me right now) is perhaps even more exquisitely painful because I have memories. I have memories of touch and connection that were so plainly shared I can't even try to write them off. I also have memories of my own spinning feelings and awkward advances that cause me regret and shame. These people exist for me. I can contact them. But the feeling that I should not because the moment, the power exchange, has passed is insurmountable.
So I ask you, in a completely unscientific straw poll, which is worse? To want someone you will never ever touch, or to remember someone you had once and will likely never ever have in that way again?
