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Someone posted this picture:
With a caption about being murdered in your sleep.
So then my brain did this:
Oh no. No no no. These chairs wouldn’t murder you in your sleep. They’re much more elegant than that. Should you be unfortunate or perhaps foolish enough to sit in one, you would find yourself suddenly hard-pressed to get up again. You might manage it if you moved quickly, with no more damage done than some torn clothing and a few scratches (but a wise man would watch those scratches very closely, mind). However, if you chose to linger you might soon notice a strange languor suffusing your muscles, down even into your bones. What you might not notice are the intra venous and intra os cannulae that are responsible for efficiently shutting down your musculoskeletal and immune systems. The fine wires that insinuate themselves under your scapula, between your ribs and into your heart are so small that they wouldn’t even register.
What you will notice is the frantic pounding of your heart as it skips beats and crashes uselessly against your ribcage for a few moments, out of sync with itself while its internal pacemakers are overridden and the external one takes over.
At this point the paralytic hasn’t quite reached your lungs and diaphragm yet so you’re still conscious. Which is a shame because this is the time when the acid begins slowly dissolving all your soft tissues, liquefying skin and muscle before reaching the tougher tendon and ligament, and freeing up your bones for a more… aesthetically pleasing arrangement.
(Just as an aside, don’t ask how the wheels are made. Just don’t.)
Don’t think of these chairs as murderous. Think of them as highly evolved and very very efficient. But I would refrain from using them for poker night. Unless you happen to have a friend that cheats at cards. And the need for another chair.
With a caption about being murdered in your sleep.
So then my brain did this:
Oh no. No no no. These chairs wouldn’t murder you in your sleep. They’re much more elegant than that. Should you be unfortunate or perhaps foolish enough to sit in one, you would find yourself suddenly hard-pressed to get up again. You might manage it if you moved quickly, with no more damage done than some torn clothing and a few scratches (but a wise man would watch those scratches very closely, mind). However, if you chose to linger you might soon notice a strange languor suffusing your muscles, down even into your bones. What you might not notice are the intra venous and intra os cannulae that are responsible for efficiently shutting down your musculoskeletal and immune systems. The fine wires that insinuate themselves under your scapula, between your ribs and into your heart are so small that they wouldn’t even register.
What you will notice is the frantic pounding of your heart as it skips beats and crashes uselessly against your ribcage for a few moments, out of sync with itself while its internal pacemakers are overridden and the external one takes over.
At this point the paralytic hasn’t quite reached your lungs and diaphragm yet so you’re still conscious. Which is a shame because this is the time when the acid begins slowly dissolving all your soft tissues, liquefying skin and muscle before reaching the tougher tendon and ligament, and freeing up your bones for a more… aesthetically pleasing arrangement.
(Just as an aside, don’t ask how the wheels are made. Just don’t.)
Don’t think of these chairs as murderous. Think of them as highly evolved and very very efficient. But I would refrain from using them for poker night. Unless you happen to have a friend that cheats at cards. And the need for another chair.
